Within this new paradigm of relationships is a point of confusion which requires awareness and thoughtfulness in order to maneuver into clarity. When you are coming from a place of unconditional love (or as close to it as humanly possible), you want your partner to be who they are, complete within themselves – without expectation, attachment, fear . . . You trust. You allow. You release. The problem arises when you aren’t sure if you are simply allowing, or if you have switched to enabling. Trying to define that point in which you truly understand and accept their behavior, as opposed to making and allowing excuses for how they are acting, is hard work.
Part of the solution is just establishing and understanding your own personal boundaries. Yes, you may understand that the person you have chosen to interact with may act a certain way and on some level, you may even understand their motives for acting that way. And, yes, you want to accept them as they are . . . but you also have to be aware of how this behavior resonates with you. You can love, accept, and understand nearly anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for you to be involved with it.
The key, I think is awareness (aka – thinking with your heart). Are you projecting things onto this person’s behavior that is not allowing you to see what it is they are really showing you? or are you projecting things onto this person’s behavior that is causing you to see issues that just aren’t there? You have to simultaneously pay attention to their actions and your reactions. A little open, honest, and respectful conversation could be helpful too. If your partner is willing, there’s nothing wrong with doing a “check-in” once in a while to see where everyone is at and how they are feeling. If your partner is unwilling, then I believe that would be a good indicator that you are either questioning things too much, or your partner is not invested in your relationship and it’s time to move on.